1. Cajole 26 year-old son into giving you an unused powered sub-woofer.
2. Set sub-woofer next to audio system for seven months.
3. Move to different city.
4. NOT connecting sub-woofer to receiver saved having to disconnect for move. Make note of brilliant foresight.
5. Set sub-woofer next to audio system for another seven months.
6. NOT connecting sub-woofer to receiver sets baseline audio quality so that women-folk are prepared to be impressed upon connection. Make note of brilliant strategy.
7. Plug sub-woofer in to power source.
8. Connect sub-woofer to receiver using suitable RCA cable.
9. Crank up Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in DVD player.
10. Eat some potato chips while pondering still silent sub-woofer.
11. Move cables around on back of receiver. Push random buttons on front of receiver.
12. Eat more chips. Pound top of sub-woofer.
13. Ask wife where receiver manual might be found. She knows, of course. Add crow to chips. Get manual. Womenfolk have yet to be impressed.
14. Follow instructions to screen that says: “Sub-woofer: Off”
15. Change to “Sub-woofer: On”. Feel pulse rising.
16. Discover “Double-bass” setting. Turn it to “ON” of course.
17. Excitedly resume movie. Sadly note silent sub-woofer. Note cable plugged into wrong spot. Move cable.
18. Hear sub-woofer rumble. Look at ten year-old son with that “isn’t that cool” look.
19. Watch “I-Am-No-Man” Eowyn slay the Nazgul at top volume, no longer caring if womenfolk are impressed.
20. Cheer wildly. For multiple reasons.